Friday, April 20, 2007

It's Friday!

...and the dam has broken...

Months and months of hard work in the commercial real estate industry have finally paid off with not one, but two, fat commission checks! Yippee!! It's really amazing how money can cause so much distraction and stress. It will feel amazing to actually cut checks and pay bills. In full.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

The Purl Girl in a vintage (1960) silk dress with white glass beads custom made in Hong Kong.
Photo circa 2001, taken in Oregon with a lovely Marine I met in Hawaii while partying in Waikiki one Spring.
(There is half a chance that I'm sucking my gut in and wearing some kind of armored girdle. )

I was going through some photo albums last night to see how I've changed in the past few years. As I'm nearing 29 this year (in October, send gifts), I'm feeling and looking much different than when I was a sweet innocent 22 year old. (actually, I think I'm more innocent now than when I was 22 - I was pretty much a party girl!)

I've been fighting some personal battles lately, and one of them has been my weight. I've gained about 25 lbs since this photo was taken and although I don't feel like I look TERRIBLE, I don't feel like I look great. I live in a pretty image and health conscious part of California, where the majority of the population is extremely active (I live on one of the most popular road cycling routes in the Bay Area), and while I actively sail, I don't actively do much else.

Plenty of excuses why I don't - I'm too busy with work, I'm too tired from work, I need to buy a helmet for my bike (my friend's dog ate mine), I don't feel like it, It's too early, It's too late, I don't have air in my tires, I don't have time, etc etc etc. You name it, I've thought of it, and excused myself from doing any kind of exercise or care for myself.

I've been seeing a therapist weekly for about 2 months now, and it's been great. One of the most important things I learned last week was that if I sit around and wait for someone to come and take care of me, he's never going to show up. I need to take care of myself and then if I meet someone, I'm in a better place to love him.

"I need you because I love you" not "I love you because I need you."

So, knowing that I had these nice commission checks coming, I joined a gym near my office. Today was my first spin class. It was AWESOME! I rocked out to the music, zoned out to the beat, and kicked my own ass. It felt AMAZING. I grinned like an idiot the whole time. I tried not to compare myself to the beautiful girl next to me with the long legs, tanned skin, and such a tiny figure that her bike shorts gapped at the waist. There's no way I can compare myself to her - genetics play a huge part, age, and the fact that this was my first class, and this is probably her one hundred and first class.

I showered at the gym, smiling, so proud of myself for taking the first step in taking good care of myself. I deserve it, dammit, and there's no reason why I can't wear that beautiful green dress to my best friend's rehearsal dinner in September.

After the gym, I stopped at the local market and picked up some sushi and seaweed salad. While perusing the drink aisle, I didn't even want the Diet Coke I usually reach for - I reached for a nice rosey green tea. After spending all that energy (8 activity points from Weight Watchers, thankyouverymuch), there was no way I was going to put any crap in my body. I treated myself to a small dark chocolate square (3 points), and didn't eat the second one that I bought.

I feel wonderful.

In other news, I have sworn off dating until I get a better handle on my body and on my emotions. I need to take really excellent care of myself right now, and that means hitting the gym, eating better, not drinking so much, and clean my house so that it's nice and clean for me - not because I am having someone over.

This is going to be a great summer - filled with friends and sailing. I'm racing every Friday night on a small (24 ft) boat with my new friends, and racing every other Sunday on a tiny (14 ft) boat til the end of the sumer. My skin will be tanned, my laugh lines will increase, and my psyche will be healthy.

And, if I meet a lovely guy who wants to be a part of all of that - great! But he has to be worth it.

(Thank you French Toast Girl & O Magazine for the image.)